Big Apple Blunders: The Humiliating Stories of a Dog, a Girl, and the City
Oh My Dog!
Embarrassing moments? Scout, my Bichon Frise, and I have had many. Living in New York City, you bring your dog everywhere. There are also millions of people to interact with in a small amount of space. We’ve ended up in some silly situations! Check these out:
The Hanky Grabber
Scout loves to chew dirty hankies. I found this out when my friend left his pants on the floor, his dirty hanky in one of the side pockets. In no time Scout had removed the hanky and gnawed on it like a chewtoy.
One day Scout and I were out for one of our usual walks in New York City. Since we strolled the same four blocks at least three times a day sometimes I didn’t pay attention to what he was doing. He often goes to the bathroom in the same places (he’s male) so once we got to the “location,” like a certain tree, I’d space out while he did his business.
There is always so much to look at – the people rushing past us, the endless cars driving by, the taxis jogging from lane to lane trying to get where they were going faster than anyone else is. So, when Scout pulls on the leash, I know he was ready to move on. In these walks Scout and I have to cross four streets and we usually end up waiting for at least one streetlight to change before we can cross. Again, with so much to look at, both Scout and I would wait patiently until it was time to cross. Usually there are people standing nearby waiting to cross like we are. In New York City, so many people surround you almost all the time. You hardly notice them after a while. Which is why it took me a few seconds to notice that Scout was standing on his two hind legs with a dirty hanky in the month. The hanky from the pants of a man standing next to us.
What would you have done?
What I did: Well, fortunately Scout dropped it – I yanked him back pretty quickly, and the dirty hanky fell onto the sidewalk. I said to the man, “ Excuse me Sir, but you dropped your hanky,” and then I quickly crossed the road with Scout – laughing all the way!
What should I have done? I think I handled it perfectly!
The Cookie Monster
Living in New York City, you walk almost everywhere. Most of the things you need – an ATM machine, the grocery store, the dry cleaners, the newsstand -- are right around the corner, and many errands can be combined with walking the dog. Although you might not think so because it is such a big, busy city, thousands of dogs call New York City home. New Yorkers love dogs. It’s very common to walk into a store – except a food store, where the dog will often be tied up outside of the store -- and find a dog.
For example, Scout always goes with me to the bank. He frequents Bloomingdales with me. He takes the subway, and is always an attentive friend when I am trying clothes on at the GAP. Scout is patient too. When I am in a bookstore reading the back of a book seeing if I want to buy it, Scout will sit down and wait. Once, I was standing, reading the back of the book when a woman pushing a baby in a stroller came and stood nearby. I noticed that the baby was mouthing a big cookie while the mom scanned the shelves for a title. I went back to my book until I heard the baby scream. I looked down and saw a very angry, red-faced baby with no cookie in it’s hands. I looked at Scout. He was licking his lips.
What would you have done?
What I did: While the woman bent down to the baby and said, “Sweetheart, what’s the matter?” I quickly put down the book I was holding and high-tailed it out of the store with Scout as fast as I could!
What should I have done? I should have apologized on Scout’s behalf and, if I had been really nice, since there was a food store nearby, offered to buy the baby another cookie.
The Knockdown
Scout will do anything for food. He eats everything. I mean everything. Even undressed salad and tomatoes. If you have food in your hands he will undoubtedly beg. I’ve never found a way to stop him except putting him in a different room.
One year our family had a Christmas Party. The house was packed with people, adults and kids. There was a toddler there who had just learned how to walk. She had bright red hair and was all dressed up in her holiday dress. Every step she took was tentative, but she was able to stay on her feet pretty well. In her hand she held a cookie, and her hand was about eye level with Scout’s head.
As you can imagine, Scout spent most of the party with his head about a foot away from her hand. Often the little girl would put the cookie in her mouth and take a teeny tiny bite, but she worked on the same cookie for the whole party. Every once in a while I looked over to see that Scout had gotten a little closer to the cookie, but that the little girl would wave her hand at Scout and he would back off. This went on until I turned to find the little girl flat on her back crying and her cookie in Scout’s mouth.
What would you have done?
What I did: I pretended I didn’t see it and refilled the dip platter!
What I should have done? Gone over to help the little girl up, scold Scout in front of all of our guests, and put him in a separate room …
What’s that on Your Sock?
Dog owners tend to run into the same people when walking their dogs since the walks are usually around the same time each day. And, many of those people are others dog owners walking their dogs.
It didn’t take long for Scout and I to make friends this way. Although it wasn’t always easy. See I love dogs and I always want to pet every dog I come across, but Scout gets jealous! He growls and barks at any male dog I try to pet. Sometimes I can get away with petting females dogs, but it depends on the dog. Amber, a cinnamon toy poodle, was a female dog that let me pet. Amber and her mom, Stephanie, lived across the street from us. We ran into them all the time on our walks. When we see them on our walks I get excited because I get to pet Amber. Once in the middle of a conversation with Stephanie, she let out a scream and covered her mouth. “What's wrong?” I said. She pointed down at Scout. Scout was peeing all over my pant leg.
What would you have done?
What I did: I was too embarrassed to say anything but, OH MY GOSH! about a zillion times. Stephanie was laughing and I realized that laughing was all I could do too.
What I should have done? Sometime all you can do is laugh!
A version of this piece originally published in Dogs For Kids, Jul/Aug 2005
This article was nominated for the Dog Writer's Association of America's Best Humor Article in 2005
• AVAILABLE FOR REPRINT •